thing three

i may have mentioned before that we are expecting thing three this june, or as it happens, a bit earlier. this was one of those times when one partner says, "hey, you know, we could do that again." (my husband) and the other partner (me) laughs and says "well yes, but let's wait just a bit, shall we?" and then POOF the jig is up. my mother warned me about this, she said one afternoon she and my father had a conversation that went something along the lines of "hey, lets have kids" (my father) "hey, let's have puppies instead" (my mother) and there was my brother. apparently the women in my family are highly susceptible to suggestion. this left me a bit on the ambivalent side when, about 5 months ago, i confirmed that i was expecting, again. already. so soon. thing two had left me with some problems in my back and the joint in my pelvis that only just started feeling better a few months before, and i was terrified of going through all the debilitating pain again. the delivery was a breeze, but at around two and a half months my back went out, my pelvic joint slipped and the bones overlapped into a pinching position, and there they stayed until evan was about six months old. i was working my way to better back health and a slimmer pair of jeans at the gym, and finally starting to progress, and now i'm gaining again. *sigh* fast forward to about 8 weeks ago, i'm warming up to the idea, i really am. then i start bleeding. and i panic, just a bit. i get a sitter for the kids, my husband runs me down to the dr, and the whole time i'm thinking, "i finally get on board and you bail on me? i don't think so. stay in there baby, stop scaring mama." the dr does an ultrasound and everything checks out. the bleeding stops and i have to sit on my butt for a week. we have a follow up, and everything looks fine. great. in the mean time my back is getting worse, but not miserable, and my pelvic joint is getting sore but not nearly as bad. in short, things are looking up. then yesterday we go for the 20 week ultra sound. i'm now 21 weeks, and this is the one where they take forever and check everything twice. so the tech tells us it looks like a boy, we ooh and ahh over little fingers and toes, she finishes up, then says, "um, i'll be right back" then a dr breezes into the room, they goo me up again and she says "yep, see there's only two vessels showing right there, lets just have a look for anomalies" anomalies? like, abnormalities? i'm no english major but i'm pretty sure that's not a good word when it comes to my baby. she then proceeds to mutter things like "oh, good, there's one hand. he's a mover! and ok-ay yes there's the other hand. that's good. and, alright two feet. okay. trisomy 18, mutter mutter. spot on your placenta, oh you bled? okay, well there it is. i'll get this to your dr, soon." okay, we're given our little picks of feet and blurry arms and shuttled out. hmmm. last night i get home and all i can think is trisomy 18, what? turns out pretty horrific. then i look more. most sights say a baby can be fine with a two vessel umbilical cord, but there's a likelihood of the baby not growing as fast inutero due to decreased flow. so, either horrible genetic malformations and congenital problems with a high mortality rate, or a kinda small perfectly healthy baby. wow, i feel great. and gee, friday was a great day to schedule this, because now i get to spend the weekend with this hanging over us. i'll tell you one thing for sure, as i sit here with little (probably) Ian kicking like crazy as i type, i'm off the fence. i'll take a small healthy, somewhat sooner than hoped for baby, thankyou.